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Decrease the Size of your ‘BUT’

Why is your BUT so BIG?!?

thinking black woman

Has someone ever asked you this question? If so, were you offended? If could be that you thought of a certain reality star or hip hop artist and was not amused by the comparison. What would you think if the question was not referencing your physical appearance, rather it was in reference to your goals and how you went about achieving them? If we were to discuss your goals, habits, and dreams – how would decreasing the size of your BUT help you?

Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions:

I want to make more money…(BUT)…?

I want to start my own business…(BUT)…?

I want to go back to school….(BUT)…?

Have you noticed a trend? All of us have dreams. We know what we would like to accomplish in our lifetime. What is the problem? It is very common for people to talk themselves out of achieving their goals and living their dreams because they insert ‘BUT’ in a place it does not belong. Why do they allow that to happen? This process simply allows them to remain liberated from commitment and accountability. That word releases them from confronting their fears and doubts. For many, the fear of failure is equivalent to a slow death., the irony is when they allow the fear of failure to hinder them from giving their best, that is when they begin to experience a slow death. Their joy will diminish and the light that we all possess will slowly fade. Failure is important for growth. That is why we ‘fail forward’. It means we make repeated attempts to complete a task or achieve a goal.

Here is an example of an individual that failed forward.

There was a woman that decided to write a book, but in the early stages of the manuscript’s development, her mother passed away. She was devastated as she was very close to her mother. She continued writing her book, but after a few months decided to accept a job in another country as an English professor. Soon after, she began experiencing problems within her marriage and divorced.  It was around this time she lost her position at the university. At this point, she was young, unemployed divorcee with a baby girl to support. She ended up returning back to her country and living on welfare. This was a major setback, but she rather than considering herself a failure, she looked as this problem as an opportunity to complete her book. After some time, she completed the manuscript and shopped it around to a host of publishing houses, but none of them were interested. The responses she received were highly critical of her work. ‘The book is too long for the targeted audience’ and ‘no one buys these types of books’ are examples of some of the responses she received. Eventually, one publisher brought the manuscript and history was made in 1997 when Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was published. J.K. Rowling, the author of the book went on to publish 400 million books. Imagine if she had allowed her fears and the adverse situations she found herself in to impede her finishing her manuscript.

Ms. Rowling and many people like her refuse to allow other people’s negative think, self-limiting fears, or adverse situations to stop them reaching their goals and living their dreams. By decreasing their use of the word BUT and replacing it with I WILL, they were able to achieve their desired outcomes.

What about you?

Would you like to live the life you want? Have tried writing down your dreams and then adding a completion date turning into a goal? A goal broken down into steps become a plan. A plan backed by action makes the dream a reality. Chase after your dreams like your life depended on it. Stop saying BUT and start saying I WILL.

Remember the first three questions? Now, you will say it like this:

I want to make more money AND I WILL.

I want to start my own business AND I WILL.

I want to go back to school AND I WILL.

Your dreams, your goals, your plans…YOUR SUCCESS!

No IFs, No ANDs….and definitely NO BUTS!!!








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Adrian Jefferson Chofor, the 'Confidence Coach' and Owner/Founder of Aspire2Inspire Transformational Practice LLC is the creator of the Aspire Life programs helping women learn to be confident and build self-esteem to reveal their true selves and live authentically. She helps women 'remove the mask' by learning self-acceptance, purpose, and loving their true selves to help them become the women they have always wanted to be!

Adrian is an international inspirational speaker, certified professional coach, and a top recommended professional quoted on several major networks; ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX. She is a published author in several books, including her #1 International Bestselling book 'Aspire to Your Greatness!' chronicling her own life from abused child, troubled teen, homelessness to world traveler and successful businesswoman. The powerful book was nominated for an Indie Author Legacy Award (IALA). Adrian is the host of the 'Aspire to Authenticity' show scheduled to debut on the RHG network April 22, 2019. It will be aired weekly on every Monday at noon PST time.

Would you like to learn more about Adrian, go here: or set up some time to speak with her to find out how you can build your confidence and authenticity to become the woman you have always wanted to be! go here:

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