LEVEL UP: Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others!



Comparison is an Act of Violence against the Self – Iyanla Vanzant


How many times have you checked your social media accounts today? Do you know the average person spends 2 hours and 22 minutes daily on social media, according to a study conducted by the MarketWatch group…do the math and you will see we spend a considerable amount of our time on social media, not including the time spent scanning and responding to emails.

As a modern woman living in the Digital Age, it is understandable that you would spend time throughout your day scanning your social media accounts to stay engaged with your audience and check alerts for breaking news or current events.  However, one of the biggest drawbacks of social media is our tendency to look at what our friends (or maybe not) are posting and compare our lifestyle or circumstances with theirs.

Is it wrong to compare ourselves to others? “Comparing is a natural tendency we all have. It can be absolutely neutral, as when you merely evaluate similarities and differences. Such comparison is essential for astute reasoning”, writes Dr. Judith Orloff, the author of the New York Times Bestseller Emotional Freedom. She goes on to add, ‘it becomes dysfunctional when it stirs envy and jealousy, if you judge yourself as better or less than others. It’s more common to feel inferior to those with “more” than to feel grateful compared to those with “less”.

Stop thinking others are better than you: It’s OK to admire the traits of other people, but it’s damaging to us if we allow ourselves to believe they are better than us. We can admire the traits of others, but not at our own expense. Usually, when compare ourselves to others, we look at their strengths and focus on our weaknesses. This has a negative impact on our self-esteem and confidence in our achievements can take a nose dive.

Also, remember we don’t know the full story. We have only scanned a few pages in their ‘book of life’. What we see on social media is what people want us to see, it is about as real as a scripted ‘reality’ television show. The fancy, luxury car and big, beautiful house your colleague lives in could be the things that keep them up night because of the crushing weight of heavy debt. Your social media buddy that always posts pictures of her uber-toned abs and beautiful body might invest 2 or more hours in the gym every day and secretly wish to spend more time with their family but they have to keep up their rigorous routine because they don’t want to be perceived a s fraud by their social media followers.

A flower does not think of competing with flower next to it, it just blooms.  – Zen Shin

You and the object of your comparison are two different people, like a rose is different from a daisy, but they are still two beautiful, distinctly different flowers. You have different personalities, ambitions, goals, backgrounds, and mindsets. You share similarities with others, but it’s the differences that make you unique, so admire the qualities you see in others, but remember it’s impossible to compare because you are incomparable!



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Adrian Jefferson Chofor is a Confidence Coach, #1 International Bestselling Author, Motivational Speaker, CEO, owner and founder of Aspire to Inspire Transformational Practice, LLC helping women, teens, and tweens with her programs achieve the level of confidence needed to be fearless and boldly pursue their dreams. Adrian is an experienced and committed accredited personal development coach specializing in confidence building and living authentically.

She has been recognized by organizations such as America SCORES, Kaiser Permanente, Toastmasters International, the New York City Department of Education, and Families in Global Transition. She has been quoted in major media outlets such as ABC, NBC, FOX, and CBS. Her #1 International Bestselling Book, Aspire to Your Greatness! was nominated for the Independent Authors Legacy Award (IALA) Authors in Leadership award. She was featured in the Toastmasters International global campaign ‘Find Your Voice’ and received the Leadership and Communication award.

You deserve to be confident and live fearlessly for free! Find out how with a free call; calendly.com/connect-adrian

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